Nan Curran

Especially for those who are/had to deal with the death of a loved one 

The 14th of August 2019 marks my Nans 12 year anniversary passing. My Nan was a very special person to me as we were very close emotionally and physically (as she literally lived down the road). Eileen O' Connor (Mayden's name) was known by many names. To many she was Miss. Curran to her neighbors she was Ma-Curran but to me, she was my one and only Noggin.

About Nan

Nan lived in a small little housing estate where she raised her four kids on her own. My Mum and uncles must have been head-wreaking but no match for Ma-Curran I'd say. She had two great friends in the estate called Peggy and Bridy. They would often call and visit her to have a cup of tea and see how she was doing.

Memories

I have so many memories with Nan like messing with and giving her a nuggie along with something I called a "squashid", This was just a really really tight hug. I remember every summer I would stay at my Nan's while my family went to Mosney for the Community Games. I looked forward to these stays every summer as I just loved my Nan.

Nan knew that Thomas The Tank Engine was basically my life so she let me build tracks all over her sitting room. I used to love looking through my Thomas magazines and one day I showed her something I thought looked cool. She would always have my Birthday present ready for my summer stay and this Birthday it was the train that she remembered I liked.

The train Nan got for me.

Nan was a funny character but one Christmas she really topped it. My brother got a Go-Kart for Christmas and he brought it up to Nan's. Whatever was said, Nan ended up trying to drive the thing and ended up hitting the side of our car. This one hilarious memory we all still have especially due to the fact that it was caught on video.     

Sickness/Death

I never knew of Nan's sickness at the time, as I was only 6 so my parents didn't tell me because I wouldn't have understood and would only have worried. She was sick for a long time and after struggling with a long battle against cancer, Nan passed on August 14th, 2007. This was devastating for anyone who knew her, especially the family as you couldn't help but feel for the woman who created so many smiles 

Today

Of course, I would prefer if Nan was here today, I wish I got to spend more time with her and I wish I could talk to her about my problems today. However, I am happy I can say I got to know her, and I can look back on all the memories I have with her with every laugh and tear. We can always ask the "what if" question, but I rather look back and remember who Nan was. She was my Noggin and my Noggin she will stay xxx

Childhood Obsessions: Thomas The Tank Engine

Especially for those who have a child with a similar obsession

Most toddlers have one-track minds, meaning they will fixate/preoccupy themselves with one particular thing. This can occur in children to give themselves structure or comfort in their changing lives. This especially occurs in children with Autism, like myself. This is what I would call a childhood obsession. For me, there is no prize to whoever guessed what this for me, Thomas The Tank Engine. This carried on from when I was a toddler to my mid-childhood years. 

Toddler Years

I suppose I got my love of Thomas The Tank Engine from my playing with my brother's Thomas toys. I would rock that Thomas jumper or Thomas and Friends T-shirt while playing with nearly every single train that I could find within a mile radius of my house. I could also be seen in many old tapes singing the tune of the intro of the show like a little rockstar.

The Show

I was in love with watching Thomas The Tank Engine. Whenever it was on we would record it on the old VHS tapes as I didn't have most of the episodes on video and this was before the days of YouTube. My favorite season was Season 3, 4, and 5 as these were the seasons I had the most episodes recorded, on video or DVD.   

My old Season 3 DVD

The Toys

I have no douth in my mind that I had one of the biggest Thomas collections EVER!!! Every Birthday and every Christmas, in came the trains, tracks, and accessories, if I got money, guess what, I bought more trains. Ertl, Take-Along, and Tomy were my favorite brands or the big trains (Tomy) or small trains (Ertl and Take-Along) as we would call them.

(Left to Right) Tomy, Ertl, Take-Along

Memories

My family would be blue (like Thomas) in the face from listing to me talk about all the characters. I knew/still know most of them off by heart from ones that appeared all the time to the ones that were only in one episode. My layouts were another story. I could have made a track starting in the sitting room going threw the hall ending in my sister's room with all sorts of twists and turns. 

Thomas and Me Today

Even though I don't watch the show or collect the toys anymore, I did hold on to the show for a long time in my life. However, every now and again I will Google the show and see what it's like today and how it changed. The older episodes are pure nostalgic for me and it still holds a place in my heart because of all the memories I have with Thomas The Tank Engine.

This Blog was fun because I got to relive my childhood

Pieta House

Especially for those who need to seek professional mental help

Pieta House is a non-profitable organisation that aims to help people with suicidal thoughts or participate in self-harm. Pieta House's services are free and it consists of professional volunteers who give up their time to help those who need mental and emotional help. They have, to date, helped over 40000 people since they were founded in 2006 and have 15 centers across Ireland.

Why I went to Pieta House

After struggling for almost a year and after trying many different councilors and CBT specialists we decided to try a new avenue. After my Mum was told about the Pieta House service in Tralee by a friend we decided to give it a try to ease my Mums pocket as in the total of 2018, my parents spent over €3000 on different mental health facilities for me as they just wanted to see me get better.

Starting Pieta House

Before I was sorted with a councilour I had to be assessed first. I went to the Pieta House facility in Tralee for this assessment in September 2018 and this was my first encounter with the service. It lasted for around an hour where she asked me standard questions they would need to know about me. I had to wait for a month for everything to be sorted out and during this time I would receive calls from Pieta House with information if I was in a bad situation but also just to check in with me.

When everything was sorted I was asked to come back for weekly sessions with my new counselor. I admit the first was a bit draining and unsatisfactory only to the fact I had to tell my story again but this is always going to be the case with these things. When I went back for the second week however it was 100 times more beneficial as now the therapeutic process properly began and I saw how brilliant my counselor was.

Harry Potter Cards

Just to let you know how much effort my counselor put in to help me I'll tell a little story about some Harry Potter cards. After working for a few weeks he seemed to have a good understanding of who I was and what I liked, including Harry Potter. So for one session, he went out of his way to buy Harry Potter playing cards with the characters on them so he could get me to name them and explain the character. He would then explain which characters resembled me making me have fun in the session and made me feel good about myself.

General Vibe

Pieta House has a very welcoming vibe from the moment you walk in the doors to reception, where they will ask you how you are and if you would like tea or coffee. The waiting rooms were very nice and relaxing from the calming music to the friendly aroma smells. The rooms where we had our sessions were simple and cozy. I also continued to get weekly phone calls asking how I was and numbers for local helplines up until I finished attending Pieta House.

Finishing up with Pieta House

After 12 sessions, you will be asked whether or not you would like to continue with Pieta House and after doing some great work with my counselor I knew I would be able to manage without our sessions. So on February 14th, 2019, I decided that I would take a break from my Pieta House sessions. Even though I finished my counseling sessions, this would not be the last time I would encounter the works of Pieta House.

Darkness into Light

Since Pieta House is a free service and a nonprofitable organisation, it has to raise money somehow. One way they do this is by holding an event called "Darkness into Light" which is a 5k walk to raise funds which they have been doing since 2009. The walk usually starts in the very early morning when its dark and the point of this is to show that you can get through the darkness to see the Light. So you literally walk from the Darkness into Light.

This year, the walk was on May 11th and started at around 4am. This year was my first year doing the walk and I did it with one of my friends. The track was marked out and decorations were everywhere lighting the way. The 5k walk flew by especially when I was in good company and in a good environment. It is such an amazing experience for such a noble cause.

Conclusion

In total, Pieta House was a great lifeline for me which helped me get through very tough times and was my changing point in the end. I am very grateful to Pieta House and especially to my councilour in particular for everything he has done for me. If you, or someone you know, suffer from self-harm or suicidal thoughts, please know that you don't have to hide in the darkness because only when you open up is when you can truly begin to see the light. Pieta House helped me along with the 40000 other people that have walked through their doors, so why wouldn't it be able to help you?  

I have included links to Pieta House's Website, Contact, and Donation pages below.

Website
https://www.pieta.ie/

Contact
https://www.pieta.ie/contact-us

Donate
https://www.pieta.ie/donate

Photos of Pieta House courtesy of Pieta House's Facebook and Twitter pages
https://www.facebook.com/pietahouse/
https://twitter.com/PietaHouse

Transition Year (TY)

Especially for those who long for their TY days 

I attended Mercy Mounthawk Secondary School and I started Transition Year at the end of August 2016 after finishing my junior cert. Transition Year (TY) is an optional school year (4th year) with the aim of getting you more involved in activities and developing life skills. TY can be very beneficial and enjoyable if you take part in what\"s going on making the most of it as you have many extra trips/outings/activities etc. We had an amazing TY coordinator who managed to make a great year for the 163 students.  

Why I did TY

I had never planned to do Ty after hearing how much my brother hated it, however, my Mum and one of my friend's Mums both wanted us to do it. This is where they hatched their evil scheme. They both told us that the other one would do it if the other did it (which neither of us said) So, in the end, we both decided to do TY. The plan fell threw through a few months later when we mentioned it to each other and found out we were fooled, we were FOOLED I TELL YOU. Well, that"s the conclusion I've come to I could be very wrong but sure...... LOL, I guess.

The TY Class of 2016/17

Starting TY

Before we were given our timetables, picked our subjects, or did anything like that, we went on a team bonding trip to Cappanalea. Side Note: I remember when we got there, 3 or 4 people got sick on the bus which was.......... memorable. Cappanalea was a great trip as we did many interesting and unique team bonding activities such as guiding someone rock climbing while they were blindfolded. A few days later we were properly sorted into our base classes where I was put into 4.5.

My TY Hoodie

New Friends

When I was put into 4.5 I was the only one from my friend\"s group in the class. I thought I would be on my own for most of the year at this point because of the fact that 4.4 to 4.6 didn\"t mix the classes between 4.1 to 4.3, which all of my friends were in. I sat with 2 fellas I had a few classes with over the years and another girl I never met before. Thankfully it didn\"t take long for me to adapt to this new wild habitat and then got to know the rest of their group where I still meet up with most of them today. 

My Friend Group 

Fashion Show

As a tradition in Mounthawk, the TY's will put on an annual fashion show with a theme to raise money for different charities. Our year\"s theme was "Everything Irish". I was on stage 3 times in total as an Irish Rugby Player, modeling a suit from a shop and coupled with someone to walk down the stage in our outfits. I loved the preparation in particular like getting the suits or doing the rehearsals as everything made the show an overall success and a great boost for the TY's.

Our Fashion Show Ticket and DVD

European Studies

We got to choose most of our class modules and my favorite by far was European Studies. I'm going to go more in-depth about this class in another blog as it was vast in activities and projects. But in short, we took part in debates, competitions and worked on many different projects threw out the year. The debates we were in took place in other schools or in the class preparing for competitions. We had to finish a few projects by the end of the year to qualify for the Ambassadors school's award, but I may talk about that in the European Studies blog someday.   

The European Studies TY Class of 2016/17

Gaisca

The Gaisca Presidents Award is a personal development program for people between the age of 15 to 25. There are 3 awards you can get which include the Bronze, Silver, and Gold awards. In TY we could apply for the bronze award where we would have to complete 4 key challenges including Community Involvement, Personal Skill, Physical Recreation, and an Adventurous Journey. Thankfully I finished my challenges before the year ended and qualified for the Gasica Bronze Award. 

My Gasica Bronze Award  

Trips

As part of TY, we went on many trips and hikes to keep the year interesting which were great craic and memorable. Some of my favorite trips were:

- Cappanalea

- Torc Waterfall

- Dublin Science Fest

- E.Y.P sessions in Cork (weekend stay)

- Mont Brandon

- European Studies class trip to Portmagee

- Gaisce walk Annascaul (overnight stay)

- Trip to Clare to see the Burren (overnight stay)

Top of Torc Mountain

Work Experience

In TY you have to do work experience in 4 different workplaces for 4 weeks each. 4.5 had to do their work placement starting in January when we came back after Christmas. You get to choose where you want to work so I tried to choose places where I thought I would like to work

- Petmania (A pet shop where I worked with the animals and worked on the floor)  

- I.T Tralee (A college where I sat in on lectures for animation)

- Horgans (A shop where I worked on the floor and in storage)

- Liscahane garden center (A garden center where I worked sorting and taking care of the plants)

A Little Bird at the Garden Centre

Community Work

For 16 weeks of TY, you are required to do a few hours of community work in your area. The school finds a few places that will take us to volunteer and we can pick out of those options. Some places included nursing homes, working with people with disabilities or working in schools, my friend and I went to volunteer at St Vincent De Paul charity shop. Here we sorted the back room, mainly sorting the donated books and DVDs but we could also be seen stacking shelves. The other volunteers were lovely and overall was a great experience   

Totally Working Hard at Community Work 

Plays

Out of the TY fund, the school had for us they would bring students to plays and shows that were going on in Tralee or other places. I saw most of them and the ones I saw were:

- Phantom of the Opera

- Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

- Romeo and Juliet

- Evita

- Waiting for Godot

The Stage for "Waiting for Godot" Before it Started and Yes That\"s a Real Man

Fun Extras

We also had a lot of things throughout the year that kept us entertained and gave us a few old laughs

- Coasteering

- Surfing

- Ice Skating

- Irish Caili

- Sailing/Yacht/Speed Boat

- Ghost World Record Attempt

- TY Show/Awards Night

TY Overall

Overall Transition year was a great school year and was a great time in my life and it really changed my life for the better. I loved going to new places with the new friends I had made and I had a great time overall. How much you enjoy TY depends on how much you take part in the activities, so I decided that I would take part in as much as I could to get the most out of the year. Hopefully, this has brought back a few memories to others who were in my year and anyone who did TY. What I would say to anyone thinking about doing TY would be that don\"t listen to what others said about it, trust yourself and go for it!!! 

 A Few of My Friends and our TY Coordinator 

Living with Autism

Especially for people who have a close connection with Autism.

I was fully diagnosed with autism on the 18th of December 2018 at 18 years of age. This result was a long time coming as I always knew there was something different about me from other people I knew. This happened at a somewhat late stage in my life as I was considered to be assessed when I was a child but the system thought otherwise. Certain children will show signs of autism at an early age which I also showed that people may have noticed but not have thought to connect with autism. 

Early Signs

Anxiety/Fear:

I have experienced Anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was very young I used to worry about anything and everything, the slightest thing could get me worrying. I mainly worried about something happening to myself or mainly others and could just break down crying at any time. 

Speech:

This was a problem for me for many years as I didn't properly develop my speech until I was around 7. During this time, I would get very frustrated as I couldn't communicate properly and people couldn't understand what I was trying to say. As a result, I went to speech therapy when I was 5 until I was 12 

Separation From Mum: 

I had severe separation anxiety as I couldn't stand being away from my Mum and it really showed. I used to hide behind the toilet in playschool and cry as I waited for my Mum to come back and collect me.

Autism Today

Obsessions:

Thomas the tank engine. That is pretty much all I need to say about obsessions in my childhood. This was the case from when I was a baby until I first bought Lego. Lego worked into Lego Harry Potter which worked into Harry Potter in general. Harry Potter is my on/off obsession at the moment where I am listening to the audio-books and collecting merchandise like anything Hufflepuff related (I'm a Hufflepuff).

Eating/Diet:

My sense of taste is probably the biggest red flag from the autism as I still don't to this day eat a huge variety of foods. You name it I don't eat it, I don't eat any fruit or veg as I hate the crunch and juice of an apple or how a carrot would turn to mush in my mouth. Today my dinner consists basically of chicken goujons done in the oven to make the best out of a bad situation. 

Emotional Background:

Along with anxiety and fear, I have also experienced depression and OCD. Depression is hard for me to record but would have first occurred in primary school as a result of OCD which would have occurred from the age of 10. OCD has been a big part of my life however what I would say to people who suffer from any mental health issue is that it may be a part of your life but does NOT have to be your life.

Little things:

I'm just going to fly through these, Eye contact is something I would avoid along with making conversation with unfamiliar people. I imagine scenarios to music I am listening to and sometimes I can be seen staring off into space (especially outside the kitchen window) just thinking about anything, thinking is my drug so that's all I'm addicted to so that's good. Also, while I'm in the kitchen, sometimes I will just walk laps around the island countertop just to ease my mind.

Just a Hufflepuff doing Hufflepuffy things

Getting the Test

The process of being tested for Autism started in the summer of 2018. To be honest I don't remember this period very well as I was battling severe mental health issues at the time but I remember just going to another appointment with C.A.H.M.S. The lady who I did the test with asked me a number of questions and gave me a few different tests like puzzles to complete. When we were finished we were given no next appointment (which thinking about it now is a bit strange) and were told they would be in contact with us.

Since I was turning 18 at the end of August, C.A.H.M.S would have to finish the assessment by then otherwise it would have to be completed by the adult mental health services. This was a worry as it would mean it would not be done in time to apply for any resources to help me in college. In short, I was never called back in relation to the assessment and C.H.A.M.S didn't finish the test in the remaining months.

Actually being tested

Thankfully when I was called into the Adult Mental Health Services I was called back in October. The man who did the assessment was a nice genuine man who I really connected with. I had 6 appointments where I had to finish puzzles and was asked many questions. I was called back one last time on the 18th of December 2018 where after a little bit of confusion about understanding what the result was, It was then made clear that I was on the Autism spectrum.

Life today

It was somewhat of a relief to get the diagnoses as it, to me, was a kind of closure and explained a lot about my life that I didn't understand. People say that someone with Autism should say "I have Autism", not "I am Autistic" for the reason it's something you have not something you are. But when so many people think that it's something that can be "cured", I think it's important to say that I am Autistic because I think it is part of who I am and that's nothing to be ashamed of.