Especially for those in the LGBTQ+ Community
Who am I?
My name is Trevor Leen, aged 22 living in County, Kerry on the beautiful island of Ireland. I grew up with a love of steam trains, animation, and film. I spend my time making short films and stop-motion animations, along with this I have an interest in reading, writing, and a bit of gaming. I also happen to be gay, it doesn’t define me or make me who I am, it's just part of who I am.
Today I will be writing about some of the highs and lows of the community, being out of the closet, our right to exist, and much more.
Disclaimer
This blog is based on my own personal opinion and what I have experienced. I do not speak for the whole LGBTQ Community. Some people will have different opinions and views on what I write and that’s ok. This blog is a bit more on the darker side so, for anyone in the closet reading this I would recommend reading till the end to get the full gist of what I am trying to say.
.jpg)
Pride in Everyday Life
Some people will know what it means to be gay, but not get it, and sometimes not getting it is as bad as not knowing. What I mean by that is that some people will not understand how a man can be attracted to another man, a woman to another woman, etc. This in most cases is not the problem, the problem will be how someone acts upon their lack of understanding.
In the summer of 2022, I went to Northern Ireland with my friends and it was by pure coincidence that Belfast Pride was happening at the same time, I suppose all the people walking around with LGBTQ+ flags and colours gave it away. However, the Anti-LGBTQ+ rally happening alongside the parade route was not a coincidence. The fact that on the walk to our accommodation, I was singled out and called faggot in a group 6 while wearing a pride flag was not a coincidence. The feeling of embarrassment, belittlement, and shame was no coincidence.
It's hard to be proud in the community all of the time, especially dealing with bigots, the people who see you as a novelty, and those who like to debate on every topic from Transgender Rights to Same-Sex Marriage, all the while, just trying to deal with your own life in general and in the community such as the dating scene which has become more and more difficult in recent years with apps such as Grindr, Tinder, Etc.
Al the same, if you do decide to come out and are in a good and safe situation to do so, I say go for it! I would encourage anyone to come out of the closet for there is no greater feeling than being who you are and accepting yourself, no matter what.
Coming Out
It’s hard to come out. I’ve been out since 2019 but I still find it hard to tell some people. People from an older generation, people from certain backgrounds, and people with different mindsets are sometimes the hardest to come out to. It can be hard knowing someone be it for a short time or all your life while also having that fear at the back of your head thinking "Would they accept who me if I were to tell them?"
The straightforward answer to that is if they do that's great but if not they just aren't worth your time and energy. This without a doubt is 100 times easier said than done but unfortunately, it is the way it is. In a perfect world, one would have no need to "come out" but instead would feel comfortable enough to walk in the door and introduce their same-sex partner to their family without any need for explanation or concern.
Labels
Something I've noticed is that people find it hard to embrace who they are because of the labels that will be given to them because of how major or minor they may be. What I mean by that is there are a large number of people out there who are afraid to act upon their feelings due to the labels that may be given to them. For example. a man might be 95% attracted to women but 5% attracted to other men, this 5% can lead to him being labeled as gay, bisexual, confused, etc. Along with this, they may be open to all the bigotries and stigma the LGBTQ+ face on a daily basis. It does make me wonder do we as a society need to focus so much on the label itself, or would we not be better off just seeing people as people.
Freedom of Speech
One argument I see by homophobic people is that they have the freedom of speech to say what they want about anything. Yes, we are all entitled to freedom of speech but no one has the right to hate speech. It goes without saying this refers to not only the LGBTQ+ Community but also to women, people of colour, ethnicity, or whatever other excuse bigots might try to use to make you feel worthless.
Hate Crime in Ireland has been on the rise for the last few years now, most not being widely reported on. From attacks in public, targeting outside gay nightclubs, youth being attacked, the list goes on. One of the most known would be the murders of Aidan Moffitt (aged 42) and Michael Snee (aged 58) in County Sligo in April 2022 where they were badly mutilated in their own homes not 24 hours apart.
I will never understand how someone can hold so much hate for someone to wish them ill, induce pain, or the worst of worsts murder, solely for the reason of who they love.
Love is not a Political or a Religious Matter, but a Human Right.
My Biggest Principal
Many people have principles, some they stick with some they don’t. I’ve had many I’ve made and broken but the one I would hold close to my heart and never break is to “Never out someone”
For those who don’t know what outing someone means, it is basically the act of disclosing someone's Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity without That person's consent, this often applies to someone who has not yet come out of the closet.
Don’t do it for conversion, don’t do it to gossip, don’t do it to talk down about someone, don’t do it because you feel you have the right to, just don’t do it! The decision for someone to come out of the closet is 100% their decision and their decision alone. You have no idea the altercation that could face this person's life in you outing them. People have been disowned and thrown out of their family homes for being who they are. The world is not as accepting a place as most believe it is, especially in certain regions and cultures.
Just Don’t Do It!
My Bench Theory
I was sitting in a park one time and noticed two benches with two sets of people on them. One had a man and a woman whereas the order had a woman and woman. The man and woman were cuddled up, while also giving each other little kisses here and there more than likely on a date or something. As for the two women, they were just sitting there on their phones with a bag between them so from the looks of it you could think they were not in any form of relationship, or were they?
I had this thought, what if these two were an actual couple just afraid to show it in public. While this more than likely wasn't the case I wouldn't be surprised if it had been. Many queer people find it hard to show affection for another of the same sex in public, from a kiss to simply holding hands, which I do understand why. Almost everywhere you go you are looked upon as if some kind of attraction just for holding hands. You'll get looks of approval, glares, confusion, disgust, and so on.
Should this discourage you? Ideally no, of course, you should be allowed to do what any straight heterosexual couple can do in public but I know some queer people aren't quite comfortable doing such. Do whatever makes you most comfortable and whatever the hell you like, you have as much of a right to exist in this world as the next person.
Kingdom Pride in Kerry
One of the best things about the community is that there will always be a presence wherever you go. People of all backgrounds will come together every year to celebrate Pride Month which in Ireland takes place in most counties. Kerry Pride or Kingdom Pride usually have their celebrations at the start of July, with events and gathering you can not miss. I remember going to my first pride event in Kerry and the sheer euphoria I felt at the venues while surrounded by other members of the community was something truly extraordinary.
For those outside of Kerry look up your own respective counties and check to see for any LGBTQ+ festivals or volunteering opportunities near you, I highly recommend it.
Conclusion
I know I spoke a lot of dome and gloom in this blog but at the end of the day, I always go back to that feeling of a weight being lifted off my shoulder when I first came out back in 2019.
We must be proud of who we are. While the world is nowhere near perfect, the LGBTQ+ Community is probably in the best position it has ever been. From the very start of the gay rights movement with the Stonewall Riots of June 1969 to today, we have come a long way. We of so many owe it to so few in fighting for the rights we take for granted today, fighting in a time where it was a crime to take part in same-sex relationships.
2023 marks the 40 Year Anniversary of the first Pride March to take place through the streets of Dublin, the 30 Year Anniversary of the Decriminalisation of Homosexuality in Ireland, and the 8 Year Anniversary of the Same-Sex Marriage referendum of 2015. We owe it to those who fought for our rights today!
We have a long way to go yet, for in many parts of the world it is still a crime to identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc with punishment from life in prison to the death penalty. Transgender health care also needs to step up its game big time in most parts of the world including the United States. However, if it weren't for the people who fought for our rights all the way back when, we would have no rights at all. we owe a great debt to them all.
In my fourth year of secondary school, we had this teacher ask us what we would fight or lay down our lives for, most people said their friends, family, and country but nothing else. She brought this up herself, asking if there was anything else to which no one could think of. Today, I firmly believe in the right to fight for the LGBTQ+ community's place in the world and would never turn my back on that notion.
I would rather fight to the bitter end for my life and my rights and leave every drop of blood drained from my body before being forced back into the closet, which for me was a time full of fear and pain. A massive turnaround compared to 4 years prior to coming out when I would convince myself I'm not gay just a confused teenager, all the while, yearning so much just to be the real me.
My friends, that is where I am proudest of all.
Happy Pride Month Everyone!
Dedicated to all the victims of LGBTQ+ hate crimes.