The Life & Meaning of Pride

Especially for those in the LGBTQ+ Community

Who am I?

My name is Trevor Leen, aged 22 living in County, Kerry on the beautiful island of Ireland. I grew up with a love of steam trains, animation, and film. I spend my time making short films and stop-motion animations, along with this I have an interest in reading, writing, and a bit of gaming. I also happen to be gay, it doesn’t define me or make me who I am, it's just part of who I am.

Today I will be writing about some of the highs and lows of the community, being out of the closet, our right to exist, and much more.

Disclaimer

This blog is based on my own personal opinion and what I have experienced. I do not speak for the whole LGBTQ Community. Some people will have different opinions and views on what I write and that’s ok. This blog is a bit more on the darker side so, for anyone in the closet reading this I would recommend reading till the end to get the full gist of what I am trying to say.

Pride in Everyday Life

Some people will know what it means to be gay, but not get it, and sometimes not getting it is as bad as not knowing. What I mean by that is that some people will not understand how a man can be attracted to another man, a woman to another woman, etc. This in most cases is not the problem, the problem will be how someone acts upon their lack of understanding.

In the summer of 2022, I went to Northern Ireland with my friends and it was by pure coincidence that Belfast Pride was happening at the same time, I suppose all the people walking around with LGBTQ+ flags and colours gave it away. However, the Anti-LGBTQ+ rally happening alongside the parade route was not a coincidence. The fact that on the walk to our accommodation, I was singled out and called faggot in a group 6 while wearing a pride flag was not a coincidence. The feeling of embarrassment, belittlement, and shame was no coincidence.

It's hard to be proud in the community all of the time, especially dealing with bigots, the people who see you as a novelty, and those who like to debate on every topic from Transgender Rights to Same-Sex Marriage, all the while, just trying to deal with your own life in general and in the community such as the dating scene which has become more and more difficult in recent years with apps such as Grindr, Tinder, Etc.

Al the same, if you do decide to come out and are in a good and safe situation to do so, I say go for it! I would encourage anyone to come out of the closet for there is no greater feeling than being who you are and accepting yourself, no matter what.

Coming Out

It’s hard to come out. I’ve been out since 2019 but I still find it hard to tell some people. People from an older generation, people from certain backgrounds, and people with different mindsets are sometimes the hardest to come out to. It can be hard knowing someone be it for a short time or all your life while also having that fear at the back of your head thinking "Would they accept who me if I were to tell them?" 

The straightforward answer to that is if they do that's great but if not they just aren't worth your time and energy. This without a doubt is 100 times easier said than done but unfortunately, it is the way it is. In a perfect world, one would have no need to "come out" but instead would feel comfortable enough to walk in the door and introduce their same-sex partner to their family without any need for explanation or concern.

Labels

Something I've noticed is that people find it hard to embrace who they are because of the labels that will be given to them because of how major or minor they may be. What I mean by that is there are a large number of people out there who are afraid to act upon their feelings due to the labels that may be given to them. For example. a man might be 95% attracted to women but 5% attracted to other men, this 5% can lead to him being labeled as gay, bisexual, confused, etc. Along with this, they may be open to all the bigotries and stigma the LGBTQ+ face on a daily basis. It does make me wonder do we as a society need to focus so much on the label itself, or would we not be better off just seeing people as people.

Freedom of Speech

One argument I see by homophobic people is that they have the freedom of speech to say what they want about anything. Yes, we are all entitled to freedom of speech but no one has the right to hate speech. It goes without saying this refers to not only the LGBTQ+ Community but also to women, people of colour, ethnicity, or whatever other excuse bigots might try to use to make you feel worthless.

Hate Crime in Ireland has been on the rise for the last few years now, most not being widely reported on. From attacks in public, targeting outside gay nightclubs, youth being attacked, the list goes on. One of the most known would be the murders of Aidan Moffitt (aged 42) and Michael Snee (aged 58) in County Sligo in April 2022 where they were badly mutilated in their own homes not 24 hours apart.

I will never understand how someone can hold so much hate for someone to wish them ill, induce pain, or the worst of worsts murder, solely for the reason of who they love.

Love is not a Political or a Religious Matter, but a Human Right.

My Biggest Principal

Many people have principles, some they stick with some they don’t. I’ve had many I’ve made and broken but the one I would hold close to my heart and never break is to “Never out someone”

For those who don’t know what outing someone means, it is basically the act of disclosing someone's Sexual Orientation or Gender Identity without That person's consent, this often applies to someone who has not yet come out of the closet.

Don’t do it for conversion, don’t do it to gossip, don’t do it to talk down about someone, don’t do it because you feel you have the right to, just don’t do it! The decision for someone to come out of the closet is 100% their decision and their decision alone. You have no idea the altercation that could face this person's life in you outing them. People have been disowned and thrown out of their family homes for being who they are. The world is not as accepting a place as most believe it is, especially in certain regions and cultures.

Just Don’t Do It!

My Bench Theory

I was sitting in a park one time and noticed two benches with two sets of people on them. One had a man and a woman whereas the order had a woman and woman. The man and woman were cuddled up, while also giving each other little kisses here and there more than likely on a date or something. As for the two women, they were just sitting there on their phones with a bag between them so from the looks of it you could think they were not in any form of relationship, or were they?

I had this thought, what if these two were an actual couple just afraid to show it in public. While this more than likely wasn't the case I wouldn't be surprised if it had been. Many queer people find it hard to show affection for another of the same sex in public, from a kiss to simply holding hands, which I do understand why. Almost everywhere you go you are looked upon as if some kind of attraction just for holding hands. You'll get looks of approval, glares, confusion, disgust, and so on.

Should this discourage you? Ideally no, of course, you should be allowed to do what any straight heterosexual couple can do in public but I know some queer people aren't quite comfortable doing such. Do whatever makes you most comfortable and whatever the hell you like, you have as much of a right to exist in this world as the next person.

Kingdom Pride in Kerry

One of the best things about the community is that there will always be a presence wherever you go. People of all backgrounds will come together every year to celebrate Pride Month which in Ireland takes place in most counties. Kerry Pride or Kingdom Pride usually have their celebrations at the start of July, with events and gathering you can not miss. I remember going to my first pride event in Kerry and the sheer euphoria I felt at the venues while surrounded by other members of the community was something truly extraordinary.

For those outside of Kerry look up your own respective counties and check to see for any LGBTQ+ festivals or volunteering opportunities near you, I highly recommend it.

Conclusion

I know I spoke a lot of dome and gloom in this blog but at the end of the day, I always go back to that feeling of a weight being lifted off my shoulder when I first came out back in 2019.

We must be proud of who we are. While the world is nowhere near perfect, the LGBTQ+ Community is probably in the best position it has ever been. From the very start of the gay rights movement with the Stonewall Riots of June 1969 to today, we have come a long way. We of so many owe it to so few in fighting for the rights we take for granted today, fighting in a time where it was a crime to take part in same-sex relationships.

2023 marks the 40 Year Anniversary of the first Pride March to take place through the streets of Dublin, the 30 Year Anniversary of the Decriminalisation of Homosexuality in Ireland, and the 8 Year Anniversary of the Same-Sex Marriage referendum of 2015. We owe it to those who fought for our rights today!

We have a long way to go yet, for in many parts of the world it is still a crime to identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc with punishment from life in prison to the death penalty. Transgender health care also needs to step up its game big time in most parts of the world including the United States. However, if it weren't for the people who fought for our rights all the way back when, we would have no rights at all. we owe a great debt to them all.

In my fourth year of secondary school, we had this teacher ask us what we would fight or lay down our lives for, most people said their friends, family, and country but nothing else. She brought this up herself, asking if there was anything else to which no one could think of. Today, I firmly believe in the right to fight for the LGBTQ+ community's place in the world and would never turn my back on that notion.

I would rather fight to the bitter end for my life and my rights and leave every drop of blood drained from my body before being forced back into the closet, which for me was a time full of fear and pain. A massive turnaround compared to 4 years prior to coming out when I would convince myself I'm not gay just a confused teenager, all the while, yearning so much just to be the real me.

My friends, that is where I am proudest of all.

Happy Pride Month Everyone!

Dedicated to all the victims of LGBTQ+ hate crimes.

*Supports / Helpful Links*

LGBT Ireland

Website: https://lgbt.ie/

Number: 1800 929 539

Belong To

Website: https://www.belongto.org/

Number: 01 670 6223

National Gender Service Ireland

Website: https://nationalgenderserviceireland.com/

Number: 01 211 5045 

GenderEd

Website: https://www.gendered.ie/

Number: 01 873 3575

Transgender Equality Network Ireland

Website: https://teni.ie/supports/

Number: 01 873 3575

Mental Health & Wellbeing

Especially for those who suffer and feel there is no end

For those who don't know, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This blog has gone through many changes since I first planned it. It started off with a lot of hate toward people and services, then I thought I watered it down too much, then I decided to scrap it altogether, but while stepping back for a bit I decided amongst a nice middle ground. This is a mental health blog and while I could go on and on about flaws in the systems, treatment from others, and so forth, I believe it is best to keep this post as calm as possible as the overall goal of the blog is to influence and encourage positive mental health awareness 

Background

A summary of my mental health experience can be seen in other dedicated blogs but briefly sum it up I have a long history of Anxiety, Depression, and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) The most significant thing about OCD in my opinion is that there is no logic behind a lot of it. I used to think I would go to hell for rowing because of a funny few dreams, explain that to me.

Counseling

I have been going to some kind of counseling since 2012 from Play Therapy to CAMHS (Child and Adolescents Mental Health Services) to the Adult Mental Health Services with a few private counselors along the line, even a few sessions with Pieta House.

Sometimes it takes time to find the right person for help. One counselor would tell me to write down three good things that happened to me that day, in that case, I would wonder how does that help me go rowing with the fear of hell in my mind. Another time I went to someone and on only my second session I called an end to that one after I came out crying with more guilt he had pilled on top of me. Regardless you just have to keep looking for the person that's right for you 

The first session is always the worst, you have to tell your whole story, what’s wrong, why you’re there Etc. But once you break through that wall of dread, you see the horizon on which you can build a relationship of trust, confidence, and hope. I would highly recommend counseling for anyone struggling with anything. It doesn't matter how big or small a situation is there is always someone there to listen and aid you.

On a side note, there will be many people out there who take medications for anxiety, depression, etc that is nothing to be ashamed of. Some people need medications to function, others won't, there is nothing wrong with that.  

Explanations & Excusses

This is referring more to why some people treat other people in a bad way but I feel it is important to mention none the less.

There is a world of difference between “Explanations” and “Excuses” and I am going to be quite blunt, someone who grew up in a toxic household, for example, gives the explanation of why they treat people that way, but it’s not nor is it ever an excuse to torment others 

Speaking as someone who was bullied quite a lot as a child I often was told that the bullies “must have problems themselves” Though this comment is often used and may well be the case in many cases, I often thought “Well if they are hurting then how do they not understand that they are getting and receiving is being passed on to someone else?”

Suicidal Thoughts

First off, suicide is an awful tragedy, it’s a saddening fact that people who take their own life feels that there is no other alternative than this final solution. 

What I hate, and I mean absolutely hate, are these moronic people who think that Suicide Victims are “selfish” “attention seeking” or worst of all “cowards”. Let me tell you, there is no more challenging discussion in life than to permanently leave this world.

Yes, we all know the sayings. “your only passing on the pain” and “It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem” I believe these are toxic things to say to people even if meant in a none spitful way because all these comments are doing are adding guilt and no solution.

For the record, no one who ends their life wants to end their life. They do it because they want the pain to go away, they may have tried every avenue and not have had any luck, or they may have been struck with a massive blow that could not come to terms with. 

For those who have or are considering taking their own lives, yes your parents will be sad, and those who neglected or mistreated you, be they a friend, a partner, or whoever might never realise how much they've hurt you, but at the end of the day, it's not about them, it's about you and your life, it's your journey. Life is hard, life is brutal, but I personally believe for all the dark and evil in the world I think there's just as much, if not more good out there somewhere. 

Every day you get up and face the world you are brave. You might not feel it, but the thing about bravery is that it's not about being fearless, it is what you do, regardless of that fear, and this doesn't just go with fear but also trauma, depression, grief, etc. There will be obstacles in life that you won't be able to move on from, but you can carry on!

Making the Most of Life

To make the most of life there is no real one true answer. Personally routine and structure keeps me in good Mental Health. I Work, I try to discipline myself to go to the Gym, and currently, I am doing my driving lessons so I can get my license. For general entertainment, I mostly work on projects for my Animation / Film page, Quirky Productions along with writing short stories and blogs. Then to relax I might play some PlayStation, read a little, or simply watch a movie or a series. 

Obviously, this is different for every person, this is just what works for me. My advice would be to go try something new, do something you've always wanted to do but you thought or were told "You're not able", "your too old", "It's not for you" or whatever else some idiot had said to discourage you. There's something good waiting for everyone somewhere in this world, go seek it!

Helping Others

For those people who know people with Mental Health issues and would like to help but don't know how, that's understandable. Mental Health in general isn't as openly spoken in the same as physical injuries for example, some people will find it tough to talk about what bothers them and others will be afraid to bring it up for fear of saying the wrong thing to said person. The biggest solution to this is letting them know you are truly there for them.

Sometimes a simple gesture can mean more than you can imagine. I remember for my 21st one of my friends gave me a gay pride shot glass and chain, something that meant something personal to me. To me, that was worth more than if she had given me €100. Take a friend for dinner, buy them a box of chocolates, treat them to a coffee and even chat about good things past, present, or future. Sometimes bringing a smile or a laugh to someone can mean more than you will ever know.

I know a lot of people don't like to bring up mental health issues to someone struggling for fear of saying the wrong thing, but in my opinion, saying something is better than saying nothing.

Conclusion

Some days in life are worse than others. For me, 2022 will not be a year I look back on with fondness, and could quite easily be one of the most testing years of my life which is why I honestly struggled to think of what to say for this blog.

As many people know, I like trains, so If you were to picture life as a railway, you would begin your journey at one station often passing others, sometimes collecting or dropping off people with you. There will be hills to climb, and the odd derailment to bear. You may probably find yourself in the darkest of tunnels and sometimes you can even get stuck there, but there will always be a recovery crew, to come to your aid, and you will reach the light at the end of the tunnel. In the end, we will reach our final destination and all we can do in the end is trust in ourselves that we can honestly say “I enjoyed the journey” knowing we did everything humanly possible to make it so.

We are all just “passing through” this world, all given one life to live, not a life to end ourselves or patiently wait for death, but to live. The world belongs to you as much as the next person so don’t give it up. Eventually, death will come to us all, someday, but not today, and when that day does come, I hope to greet it as a friend, knowing I have done everything in my power to live my best life, a happy life, until the very end!

You may be worn and weary, you are not worthless. You may be battered and bruised, you are not broken. 

Every shadow will Pass, Every day will Dawn.

*Supports / Helpful Links*

If you or someone you know are struggling, here are some helpline contacts below

{Speak up, there's always a set of ears somewhere ready to hear you out}

Text About It
Website: https://text50808.ie/
Number: Text "Help" to 50808

Pieta House
Website: https://www.pieta.ie/
Number: 1800 247 247

Samaritans
Website: https://www.samaritans.org/ireland/samaritans-ireland/
Number: 116 123

OR CALL 999 IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

Ukraine - One Year On

Especially for the Ukrainian people still going through this difficult time of war and uncertainty

Ukraine has now been at war for just over a year now. It began on a Thursday. The date of February 24th, 2022 will go down in history as Ukraine's peaceful country, with no threat of conflict or hostility, was struck and invaded by Russian forces from the North, East, and South. A year has passed, and it seems a lot has changed between the tone and attitude towards the war. 

Disclaimer

I don't intend any of my blogs to become anyway political or contain such dark controversial matters but I do feel that this is a topic I have a lot to say about after seeing many different coverages on the topic and want to express my response to them.

Most of what will be covered in this blog will contain dark themes (Death, War, Etc) which some people may find distressing. Also, this will include many of my personal opinions which some people may or may not agree with. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion just keep all comments and remarks respectful to all.

The War

Russia is still continuing with its illegal invasion of Ukraine with the latter still putting out an almighty resistance. With many supplies and equipment being aided to Ukraine from its ally countries with many sanctions being sent against Russia's economy, the world has definitely changed both financially and politically.

It's hard to follow what's happening all the time. Russia had momentum at the start them Ukraine landed on its feet, but at the time of writing, it seems the Russians are allegedly advancing once more. If the worst was to happen and the capital Kyiv, were to fall, it seems Poland would be the next target shortly after an alignment (which is near to certain) Between Russia and Belarus would be made. 

This is all hypothetical, but if Poland, a Nato country, were to be invaded this would mean the launch of a full-scale war with many countries and the world would be hurled into war for a third time. I am not writing this to worry people or strike, I am not a fearmonger. but I do believe it is essential to know these things and not be ignorant about such matters. 

Nuclear war is often dismissed as almost an impossibility and while such a war is, at the time of writing, not a guarantee or seen to be the way the war is going, it is not something that should be dismissed so easily. It only has to happen once.

"I know not what weapons World War 3 will be fought, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones" - Albert Einstein 

Refugees

I remember back when the war started, the outcry of support for Ukraine and her people was overwhelming. The photos and footage being shown daily were horrifying and sickening. Donations and tributes being sent were phenomenal. Some people even hoped Ireland would take in some Ukrainians would be taken into the country, which would be the case, with mixed results.

I of course recognise the terrible problem we have in this country between the homeless and the housing crisis. The government hasn't done any noteworthy work between the homeless, refugees, and the housing crisis. It's a disgrace that we haven't our homeless people homed before this war anyway and I do have much sympathy towards those without so much as a sleeping bag, but it's still not the fault of the Ukrainians who have no choice in the matter. The truth is it's just a bad situation all around.

Also, I just want to make the point that Asylum Seekers and Refugees are two very different situations. Whatever your opinion on Asylum Seekers may be, I don't like people mixing the two together be it accidental or on purpose, and referring to them as "them foreigners" That being said I've heard them being referred to as worse, which is a disgrace. 

Some people have also made the claims that some refugees have committed violent acts toward others and while yes it has been the case with some in certain areas, I'm not sure it is totally fair to blame an entire community for the actions of some.

From my own experience, the Ukrainian people who I have met were very pleasant people. I remember Christmas Day 2022 while down at Banna Beach for the charity Christmas swim in aid of the Banna Sea Rescue, I saw many Ukrainians together or video chatting with loved ones watching and taking part in the yearly tradition. Some of them even volunteered with the refreshments in the Banna Rescue Boathouse, with many homemade dishes from their home country

Along with a special sampling of Ukrainian Vodka which I was told was, strong, to say the least, and would definitely warm you up after that blast of the cold seawater.

The Actulalitity

The problems caused by this war are not the fault of the Ukrainian people, or even the government (to a certain extent) but of the deranged decisions made by the mad dictatorship of Vladimir Putin. I'm curious to know how many people even thought of that man while reading this blog. To many he was most likely one of the first that came to mind, however, I purposely left out his name till now because I know that this will be the first point of reading they think of him.

Whys that? Because some people have become so blinded by hate toward the Ukrainian refugees that they have totally forgotten why they are here in the first place. Many people have lost their entire homes their families lay dead many miles away and everything they have worked to achieve is gone, so it makes me sick to see people actually protesting against them, saying such horrible things. Don't believe me? Look it up for yourself, many videos exist on social media to back up what I've said. It takes many good people to build something great, it takes a single tyrant to destroy that.

Conclusion

I don't know how this conflict will end, if I could tell the future I'd be buying a lottery ticket every other day. I do know there is much to be done both in the conflict overseas along with the struggles and rising tensions in this country. At the end of the day, are we not all human. We all have the right to live in this world peacefully and while we can't say for certain the outcome of this bloody war, each and every one of us are capable of being decent to each other despite who we are or where we come from. If we put half the effort into showing compassion as we do bickering, we'd live in quite the utopia.

As for the war itself, I refer to the quote from the classic 1605 novel, Don Quixote, "For neither good nor evil can last forever; and so it follows that as evil has lasted a long time, good must now be at hand"

"Slava Ukraini"

(Glory to Ukraine)

Story Time: Broken Arm

Especially for those who have had a funny injury story

Everyone has that one story, that one injury that others just laugh at cause it's just so funny as to how it came about. Well, today I'm gonna shame myself while also shaming some others by telling you the story about the one and only time I broke a bone in my body.

My Broken Arm

So basically the day started out like any other. Young 4 year old me was playing out in the back garden, my mum was on the phone and my two eldest siblings were inside. Everything was good. Then everything went downhill when the antagonist of the story came outside to torment me as he usually did. My brother Eric (pause for dramatic music)

We were out playing away until, for some reason, I decided to climb on top of one of those old "little tikes cozy coupe classic" cars children could play in and "drive" by moving their feet (I hope you know what kinda toy cars I'm on about, I actually had to go and look it up myself). The thing had a big cover which somehow I successfully climbed up on with no intention or idea of coming down.

Then my brother, for reasons unknown, thought it'd be a good idea to wave a Thomas train in my face just to tease me with it and those who know me well enough know I had a massive obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine. Why he would have done this I don't know, maybe he was just winding me up, maybe he had this long time grudge against me for being the youngest, cutest and most interesting child of the family and he wanted to "take care" of that once and for all

Either I leaned over the roof of the car and began stretching my hand out trying to reach the train, then it all went upside down from there, quite literally. I fell off the car roof and walloped off the ground. now my memory of the situation isn't the clearest after I fell for some reason, but I was told I fell asleep a bit after falling off possible due to my body going into shock

I am told my brother ran inside and got the other two siblings who came out and saw me on the ground. They had to do something, however, my mum was still on the phone so they couldn't bring me through the house because some things are just more important I suppose. So their brilliant idea was my sister would go into her room, open the window and they would then carry me through without having to disturb my mother. (just as a little side note we were in the ages between 4 and 14 so none of us had the best voice of reason in our heads)

They placed me down on the couch in her room and looked at me for a moment. My right hand seemed alright however my left hand was quite twisted and tangled in a way your arm should not naturally bend in. Eventually, they came to the conclusion that an arm should not look like that and decided to tell my mum. I was taken to the hospital, had my hand put in a cast and sent home more or less in one piece.

Overall it wasn't a terrible experience. I wasn't bawling with pain, no serious injuries and I got to buy something in Smyths because I was such a "brave boy". I do recall the worry from some that my arm wouldn't heal in time before starting junior infants, nice to see where some people's priorities lie. If I were to think of a moral of the story it would be to never trust the second youngest child and those little tikes cars are death traps! 

The very train that tried to end me!